Dear Man, Sometimes when I'm walking down the street and my face happens to be in repose, men will request or, in extreme cases, order me to smile. Why is this? Should I oblige them? Yours, &c., A Woman With A Naturally Solemn Face  


Dear Naturally Solemn,

We all know that it is impossible that you could be thinking of something other than the man before you as you walk down the street. Why would a female think of the household budget or the book she is reading or whether she is likely to be sacked for knocking over the coal scuttle, when she could be thinking about a Man instead?

No; your failure to smile must be a personal judgment. For shame, Naturally Solemn. If you do not smile, men will believe that they are not the center of your universe. Only a heartless jade would send that message.

Now, I recognize that smiling at random men on the street will no doubt open women to all sorts of advances from unscrupulous fellows who mistake their pleasantries for interest. But that is what women get for smiling at all men willy-nilly. Shameless hussies!

I hope I have clarified why men order you to smile. How else are we to teach you that you cannot win?

Stephen Shaughnessy
Male Center of the Universe

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